Ducks like to swim

Ducks have got webbed feet

Ducks have bills

Hens lay hen eggs

Hens don’t like to swin

Hens have normal (to other hens) feet

Hens have beaks

Now though it may get even worse.

A new report which initially unearthed what appeared to be an alarming increase in hen poaching is now being questioned by animal activists group AHIFC.

AHIFC claim that hen poaching has always been with us, but the scale of the problem was previously underestimated as foxes were often blamed when in fact most hens are taken by specialist Hen Poachers poaching hens on demand.

The survey was initially commissioned to see just how much of an increase in hens being lost to foxes would occur with the banning of fox hunting.

When initial findings indicated that the expected increase in the loss of hens to foxes was far lower than predicted the authors of the report began to look closer at the figures and went through historic documents where they discovered a shocking correlation between the number of hens being lost in an area to the number of Indian restaurants being opened in that area.

Graphs also indicate a close correlation between the increase in hens being lost to the increase in popularity of chicken tikka masala within the UK.

What pointed the authors towards these findings was the dicovery of a surprise jump in the number of Hens being lost in 1952 – 1954 which had previously been put down to an increase in fox numbers.

The reports authors now claim the increase in hens being lost is a direct result in the popularity of coronation chicken and little to do with fox numbers.

AHIFC say this proves beyond doubt that foxes are not to blame for the majority of hen loss cases and that humans are the biggest culprits, they go on to say the myth that a fox will get in to a chicken coop and kill all the hens is one that has been spread by hen poachers so as to pass the blame on to the foxes.

This may seem strange when you consider the old saying As Rare As Hens Teeth but researchers say, despite the fact hens don’t have teeth they definitely produce a biting motion which despite feeling like a suck on the end of your finger, is technically classed as a bite.

A more serious repercussion of these findings is that hen owners will soon face new EU regulations regarding health & safety and will have to clearly display tactile signs to the general public saying,  Warning These Hens Bite

How many hens does Dave at the bottom of the lane own?
8

Why don’t hens go to work by train?
They don’t really need to travel far enough to warrant the cost of it.

Did you hear about the hen that laid 2 eggs on the same day?
Yes, one of ours did that last week.

Why does Farmer Giles lock his hens up in a hen house at night?
To stop foxes getting to them.

What happens if you feed a hen too much corn?
It gets fat.

What do you call your hen with only one leg?
Audrey.

Why don’t hens eat baked beans?
Because nobody has given them any.

3 hens sat on a perch, one turned round and said Cluck

How do you know if a hen has laid an egg?
you have a look to see if there is one in the nesting box.

From what I can gather they can be up to 2.5m high and can cover up to 49% of your land.

I’ve worked out I can get at least 12 4m x 3m hen houses along the boundary and as I only have 4 hens it means I’ll be able to just move them along the line every month rather than having to clean them out.

Off course this does mean I’ll have to clean all 12 out at the end of the year, but I’ll worry about that a little closer to the time.

You never know I might even pay the screaming kids from no. 38 to come round and clean them out, they’re so thick I will probably only have to pay them a £1 an hour.

These Hen Shows have become so popular over recent years that it now now looks as though more and more village fetes will be replacing the traditional Dog Show with a Hen Show.

Even the village fetes that are  not replacing the dog shows completely could simply relegate them to a side attraction whilst the Hen Shows become the main attraction.

To help village fete organisers keep up with these trends existing dog show judges are being offered intensive training in how to judge Hen Shows so they know how to spot a good hen from a bad hen.

I dare say all hen lovers have heard it, the mother stopping by with her children and saying “Ah! look Henry aren’t those chickens cute”

In the early days I would rush across chastise the mother and insist that she call my girls hens and not chickens.

Nowadays, although tempted, I try to refrain myself and ignore these comments, it can be very hard though, especially if I hear their children repeating the comments and calling my hens chickens.

So remember, next time you take your little darlings to visit the local farm, spare a thought for the keeper of the hens and don’t call her little darlings chickens!

I have to answer truthfully and say I’m not aware of any hens rioting, but can’t give a 100% answer as although I’ve never seen hens rioting I’ve also never seen a dead donkey.

It’s often said that the reasons there are very few stories about hens rioting or having anti social behaviour is down to the pecking order.

Most hens know their standings and are reasonable content to stick where they are designated unlike ducks who appear to have a total disregard and no respect for their elders or the law.

I was amazed when he told me that the average beehive produced 60 lb of honey in an average year, I had no idea they produced so much and expected him to say about 5 or 10 pots at the most.

This got me thinking about getting some bees to go with the hens and start either selling honey on the site or putting a jar of honey in our themed christmas hampers.

I asked the beekeeper how much a beehive costs and was pleased to here that he could put together a ready made beehive for under £200

I’m going to look in to it a bit more, but I must say, I am tempted to get a couple of beehives for next spring.

A hen isn’t just ideal for the kids, it is also the perfect credit crunch beater, is environmentaly friendly, organic and all our chicks are going cheap this year.

• Teaches your children about nature and encourages them to play outside.
• Organic and environmentally friendly.
• Fresh eggs every day to help you beat the credit crunch.
• All hens look the same, when it dies you can eat replace it.
• No batteries required.
• Also makes the perfect alarm clock.

If your thinking of buying hens for pets please download  our free Hens For Pets factsheet.